We’ve all worn a false face in our lives, whether it was acting like the perfect employee in a hated job or pretending not to be annoyed by that one obnoxious relative at Thanksgiving dinner. For most people, slipping into this role is a brief moment of discomfort, of smiling through the pain before returning to their everyday life. Yet for people who suffer from Borderline personality disorder (BPD), this is a constant occurrence in their life. For those around people with BPD, they may notice that their friend or loved one seems to constantly shift personality depending on who they’re with, maybe picking up a new hobby within a few days of hanging with someone or seeming to change the way speak depending on which group of friends they’re hanging out with. While some may think this is the sign of a false friend, someone who’s just acting a part to get in with a certain crowd, it’s actually the exact opposite. This behavior, known as masking, is actually in response to the intense fear of abandonment that people with BPD have. After all, if they copy the traits that everyone else has, that person won’t leave them, right?
Out of the nine symptoms listed for the diagnosis of BPD in the DSM-V, the first and third are the ones that play the most role in this behavior. The first symptom is an intense fear of abandonment, whether real or imagined, while the third is a lack of a set sense of self. For many with BPD, when asked to define themself they either have an extremely hard time doing so or seem to switch who they are rather easily. Due to their lack of sense of self, many people with BPD don’t have one set personality. Rather, they mimic and pick up the behaviors and traits of those around them to fit in better. Whether this is a hobby, a television show, or the manner of speech the other person has, something that may seem minor can be picked up and mimicked by the BPD and then quickly switched when around a different group of people. This isn’t to say that BPD has multiple personalities such as those with dissociative identity disorder (DID or as it was previously known, multiple personality disorder). Rather, if we view DID as a room with multiple people in it who take turns in charge of the body, BPD is a room filled with a variety of colorful masks but with only one person inside. Each time someone with BPD interacts with a group of people, they choose the best fitting mask off the wall and wear it, returning it to its place once they are done. While they may be constantly adding to or adjusting this collection, the person underneath the mask stays the same each time.
For obvious reasons, masking is also known as the chameleon effect, as it lets people with BPD blend into their surroundings. That being said, masking is an almost entirely unconscious behavior, not one born out of malicious intent. For most people with BPD, the act of masking isn’t used to manipulate others around them, it’s done out of a fear that if they don’t adopt the traits of the larger group then others will cease to like them. To people suffering from BPD, masking is a defense mechanism, a way to prevent the abandonment they’re so terrified of. Yet it can also be extremely exhausting for people who are constantly masking. Because many people with BPD don’t have a clear-cut sense of self, they are constantly trying on different personality types to see not only what fits best for them but what fits best with the people around them. Due to this, people with BPD never have a chance to relax and just ‘be themselves’ and it can sometimes feel like they’re an actor in a play rather than a person living their life.
